Timmy's New Babysitter
by Homeydaclown
Summary: Timmy is getting sick & tired of Vicky beating on him. Unknown to him, there's gonna be a brand new babysitter moving into town. Will they be another Vicky? Or will they be better than Vicky? OCs. Language, Drug Usage, & some sexual moments. Chapter 3 up!
1. One hell of a bad day

One Hell Of A Bay Day

_**Disclamer: I do not own any characters from The Fairly Oddparents, but I do own the plot & my own characters. The Fairly Oddparents are 'taped' in front of a live studio audience.**_

It was a dull & gloomy day at Dimmsdale Elementary. 12 yr. old Timmy Turner was sitting at his desk, with a bored look on his face. He & everyone else was expecting something worst today. Their nutty-fairy obessed teacher, Mr. Crocker had assign them to do a back-to-back 500 page assignment of how 'Seinfeld' was the best sitcom in the last twenty years. Of course, most of the students didn't do the assignment. This would include Timmy. Just then, the insane ass Crocker ran up to Timmy's desk.

"**TURNER!**" he shouted. "Did you do the 500 page report?" he asked, hoping that Timmy will say no & he would hand him his daily F+.

Timmy, not feeling in the mood or even caring answered.

"No." he said boredly.

"**HA! F!**" Crocker laughed evily as he handed the boy the F+ & walked off to the next student.

Timmy looked down to his green pencil & pink eraser, which was his fairy godparents; Cosmo & Wanda. Wanda looks at him, worriedly.

"Why are you so glum, sport?" she asked.

"Yeah. You have the same look, that I had on my face, when I learned, that 'My name is Earl' was cancelled." Cosmo said with a stupid smile on his face.

"I'm just tired of this lifestyle." Timmy replied. "The insane teacher. The stupid ignorant parents, & the worst of all; Vicky!"

"What did she do now?" Wanda asked.

"Well, it happened like this." Timmy said as he was having a Family Guy-like flashback.

* * *

This happened last night. Timmy was trying to do his assignment, when the evil babysitter, Vicky purposely knocked all of his papers off the table.

"**HEY!** Watch where you goin', you stupid bitch!" Timmy sniffed angrily.

Vicky turns to him.

"You, was in _**MY**_ way!" she sneered.

Then she picks up a trash bag & throws it at him.

"Just for that, you have to wash my dirty laundry. By hand! **NOW GET TO IT!**" she shouted.

Timmy cusses under his breath as Vicky laughs as his pain.

"What a stupid twerp! I enjoy makin' his life a livin' hell!"

Then she looks at his papers & begins making an evil plan in her head.

"I know, how to make him extra pissed!"

She picks up the papers & put them in the shredder. She laughs evily while doing this.

It wasn't until sometime later, that Timmy came back with Vicky's laundry.

"Here's your goddammed laundry!" Timmy sniffed. "Now, let me get back to my..."

He notices shredded paper on the floor. He was at a loss for words.

"Is...that...my..."

"Yep! That's right, twerp! It's your school assignment! I shred it all up!" Vicky said, with self proudness.

"**WHAT?**" Timmy exclaims angrily.

Then he recovers.

"It's a good thing, that I shrunk your clothes then Vicky." Timmy says with a smug smile on his face.

"**WHAT?**" Vicky shouted.

She grabs the laundry bag & takes out some of the shruken clothes. She growls.

"**TWERP! I'M GONNA BEAT THE SHIT OUTTA YOU!**" she hollers.

She then jumps onto him & starts beating up on him.

* * *

"Well, that explains the black eye." Wanda muttered.

"Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!" Cosmo laughed. "You got whooped by a girl! Ha!Ha!Ha! What a whimp! Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!"

Wanda & Timmy was cross.

"I wish, he would shut the fuck up!" Timmy said.

The wish was granted, as Wanda poofs up a zipper over Cosmo's mouth & zips it closed.

"That's better." Timmy sighed. "God, I hope mom & dad doesn't go out tonight. I don't want Vicky to beat the hell out of me again."

"Well, you can only pray, sport." Wanda said.

Suddenly, Cosmo poofs off the zipper.

"Even if he does that, his parents are still gonna go out somewhere & leave him with Vicky!" he said with a stupid smile on his face.

Timmy slams his face hard on the desk as Wanda frowned at Cosmo, while he still had a stupid smile on his face.

Several hours passed by. It was time for the students to go home. Timmy slowly lifted his head from his desk & Cosmo & Wanda woke up.

"Well, time to go home." Timmy muttered crossily.

"Time to face the music!" Cosmo said cheerfully, as Wanda just frowns at him.

At home, when Timmy put his foot through the door, his parents immediately rushed up to him.

"Hey Timmy!" they said in cheerful voices.

"Guess what?" his dad asked.

Timmy rolls his eyes & sighed.

"You & mom are goin' out to some sort of adult ordinated entertainment for the night & you're leavin' me with Vicky?"

"That's right!" his mom said cheerfully.

As soon as she got done saying that, Dad came with several suitcases.

"God! Our son's so smart!"

"And bright too!" Mom added.

"Just like his old man." Dad added.

Mom & Timmy just stared at him.

"Uh, yeah. On that thought, here's Vicky!" Mom said.

As if on cue, Vicky appears at the door.

"Hi, Mrs. Turner. Mr. Turner. I'm here to take care of your only pride & joy, Timmy." she said in a sweet voice as she patted Timmy's head. "We're both gonna have fun!"

Timmy's parents grabbed their suitcases.

"Bye Timmy! See you tomorrow!"

Then they ran to their car & sped off. Vicky turns to the boy with an evil smirk.

"Guess what, squirt?" she asked.

"You're gonna beat the hell outta me?" Timmy said boredly.

"That's right!" Vicky shouted. "And I'd just learned some martial arts moves in P.E. today & I'm gonna try them out on you! So say your prayers, twerp!"

Then Vicky picks up Timmy & throws him into a wall.

"**HIYA!**" Vicky shouted as she ran towards him.

Cosmo & Wanda appears to watch the beating. Cosmo had a tub of popcorn.

"Ha!Ha!Ha! He's gettin' his ass handed to him!" Cosmo laughed as snacked on some of the popcorn. "C'mon Timmy! Use that right arm! No! Not your left, dumbass!"

Wanda frowned at him.

"You're a fuckin' moron." she sniffed.

"Yeah, and you're sexy!" Cosmo said, not paying any attention to her. "I'll give you some, after Timmy gets his eye dotted."

Wanda, still cross; rolls her eyes & accepted the deal.

It's a later now. Timmy was in his bed. He was still seeing stars & Cosmo & Wanda was nursing his wounds. Well, Wanda was nursing him. Cosmo was talking about how bad Timmy got whopped.

"Damn Timmy! Vicky sure worked your ass good!" he said.

"At least, she didn't rip my clothes off & threw me into the girl's bathroom, like that fuckin' gray dick; Francis, did." Timmy muttered.

* * *

Timmy was getting his ass beat, by the school bully; Francis. Anyway, the beating was over. Francis stood over him.

"Guess what, I'm gonna do to you now, Turner?" he asks.

"Uh, y-you're gonna let me limp sadly & painfully home?" Timmy asks weakly.

"Wrong! This!"

He picks up the small boy & ran to the nearest girl's restroom. He rips off Timmy's clothes & threw the naked boy into the restroom.

"Good luck, Turner!" Francis laughed.

Then he turns away, still laughing. Inside, the restroom. Timmy was on the floor. He was unconcious. Girls was screaming & hollering & running all over the place.

"**A BOY!**" screamed one girl.

"**AND HE'S NAKED!**" screamed another girl. "**AHHHHHH!**"

"And he's like, sexy!" said a third girl, who was Trixie Tang's Not-As-Popular-But-Popular friend; Veronica. "_Mmmm!_"

The audience whoos loudly from her reaction.

Timmy wakes up.

"Huh? Where am..." he started, as he looks around.

Then he notices where he was.

"Oh shit! I'm in the..." he exclaims, as he was interrupted by Veronica.

"Like, that's right, sexy. In the girl's restroom." she said in a seductive voice. "Now, let me leave a snail trail on your 'Captain Marvelous'!"

Then the twelve yr. old blonde girl, jumps onto Timmy & started kissing on him, while all of the other girls screams & the audience whoos.

* * *

"Hey. At least, you lost your virginity." Cosmo said happily.

"Yeah. That was the only good thing about the whole incident." Timmy said. "At least, I won't be made fun of, for not losin' my virginity early."

"Yeah." Cosmo laughed. "It's one of the worst things in the world to be. It's worser than having buck-teeth & wearing a silly pink hat & shirt. Ha!Ha!Ha!"

"Yeah..." Timmy started then stopped. "Hey! I resent that remark!"

He turns to Wanda.

"I wish, I had a handy boxing glove, so I can punch this green haired fuck!" he ordered.

"Why certainly, Timmy." she said, as she raised her wand.

Wanda granted the wish & a red boxing glove appears. Timmy uses it & punches Cosmo.

"Go f(bleep)k yourself!" he sniffed.

Cosmo flew through the wall, leaving his shape.

"Whee!" he shouted stupidly.

The audience laughs.

"Stupid ass dickhead!" Wanda sniffed, then she turned her attention back to Timmy.

"How 'bout I poofed you some snacks, pop, & a tv, so you can watch that god-awful 'Black Gold' show? They might have an explosion tonight."

"No, thanks." Timmy muttered. "I don't feel like in the mood. I just want to go to bed. Anyway, that show's fake. Everything's scripted. Actors. All that shit."

Then he yawns.

"God, I'm tired. Nothin's gone right. Fuckin' teacher gives me fuckin' F's. Bitch babysitter beats the shit outta me! Bullshit!"

"Aw, things'll probably be better tomorrow, sweetie." Wanda soothed as she poofs him into his pjs.

"I hope so." Timmy muttered as he got into his bed. "Because, this shit is startin' to stress me out."

Then he went unhappily to sleep. Wanda looked worried as Cosmo suddenly reappears with a black eye.

"So, are we gonna fuck or what?"

Wanda gave him a dirty look.

"I'm too concerned about Timmy & his problems to have sex with your idiot ass right now!" she sniffed.

Cosmo was offended.

"Well! Thanks for the false sense of security, Wanda! I was ready & all that shit! I guess, I have to watch Vicky undress herself again tonight." he cried.

Then he disappears, leaving a cloud that said; 'pissed & horny'.

"Hmmph! Like I care!" Wanda sniffed as she yawned. "At least I get to get some sleep tonight."

Then Wanda turns herself into a goldfish and went into the fishbowl & inside the castle to sleep.

* * *

Downstairs, Vicky was getting ready for bed now.

"Damn, I'm so fuckin' tired. Beatin' up the twerp sure gets you sleepy." she said as she was taking off her green shirt.

Cosmo had poofed himself into a tableside lamp, that was by the couch, that Vicky was sleeping at.

"Hee! Hee! Just in time." he sniggered. "Show papa those titties."

Vicky gets on the couch & turns off the Cosmo lamp. Bra still on & everything. Cosmo was pissed.

"Godammit! I was so fuckin' close to seeing some nude titties!" Cosmo sniffed as the audience laughed at his pain.

Then he sighs.

"Well, I guess, I'm gonna have some wet dreams tonight."

Then he stopped & thinks.

"Wet dreams? **WHEE!**" he cheered stupidly as he poofed himself to the fishbowl to have his, uh, wet dreams. Literally.

**_Author's note:_** _Well, that's it for my very first chapter of my very first Fairly Oddparents fic. So far, it's going well. Please review._


	2. The New Sitter Arrives

Timmy's better day(aka The new sitter arrives)

It was the very next morning. Timmy was getting up from his bed now. Cosmo & Wanda poofed from their fishbowl.

"Today's another day, sport!" Wanda said with cheerfulness in her voice.

"Yeah. Another day filled with pain & toture." Timmy muttered crossly.

"That's the spirit, Timmy!" Cosmo said stupidly, not noticing Timmy's sour mood.

Timmy turns to Cosmo.

"Why are you so happy? Are you havin' those dreams with Vicky's breasts again?" he asked.

"No." Cosmo started. "I was havin' dreams about your mom's firm, sexy ass titties."

Timmy & Wanda both gave the green haired fairy displeased & cross looks.

"What? Do I got somethin' on my teeth?" Cosmo said as he started scraping his teeth with his wand.

The audience laughs at him.

"You sick bastard! How dare you, dream about my mom?" Timmy said, getting angry.

"Well, someone has to. Your dad's not. He's too busy, thinkin' about that new secretary, that works in his office." Cosmo blurted out.

"What?" Timmy asked.

"Oh shit!" Cosmo muttered. "Well, at least, I didn't tell you, that your mom's been sleepin' around with the people, that she works with. You would've been really upset."

"Yeah. I would have." Timmy started before he stops. "Wait! What was that you said, Cosmo?"

"You would've been really upset." Cosmo repeated.

"No, before that." Timmy said.

"What? I only said, I didn't tell you, that your mom's been sleepin' around with the people, that she works with." Cosmo said.

"That!" Timmy pointed out.

Then Cosmo suddenly realized what he had just said.

"Oh shit!" he said. "I did it again!"

"What? My parents are cheating on each other?" Timmy exclaims. "Well, no wonder they always goin' out!"

Wanda knew what was gonna happen, so she lifted her wand into the air & it glows. Then everything was in a plume of smoke. It was ten seconds earlier now.

"You sick bastard! How dare you, dream about my mom?" Timmy said, getting angry.

"I'm sorry, Timmy." Cosmo said with his head down in shame. "For now on, I will only dream of Vicky's & Wanda's breasts. And cookies! And chips! Mmmm! Chips. Oooh! Dip! I sure do love me some chips & dip!"

Ignoring his stupid rammering, Wanda turns to Timmy.

"How 'bout some breakfast, sport? You know like they say..." she started, but was interrupted by Cosmo.

"Oooh! Oooh! Can I say it? Can I say it, Wanda?" he pleaded.

The pink-haired fairy rolls her eyes.

"Sure."

"You know like they say. Only toasters, toast toast!" Cosmo said.

Then he laughs.

Wanda then kicks the shit outta the moronic asshole. Sending him into a wall.

"Ha!Ha!Ha!" he laughed stupidly from the pain he was having.

The audience laughs.

"That's not right, you stupid motherfucker!" Wanda sniffed as the audience laughed. "They say, breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"Yeah. Breakfast sounds like a wise idea, Wanda." Timmy said as he was in his day clothes now.

So he & Wanda went down to the kitchen, but not before they heard groaning & laughing from Cosmo.

"Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha! Oooh! My ribs! Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!" he laughs. "Ow! I think, I feel one of my ribs goin' through my heart! Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!"

"Is he gonna be okay?" Timmy asked Wanda.

"Yeah. He's gonna be fine." Wanda said, with no concern or even caring about her husband's well being.

* * *

Downstairs, Timmy finds out, that his parents was passed out drunk on the floor & with the front door open. He only rolled his eyes.

"What a bunch of drunks!" he muttered.

Then he looks at the couch. Vicky had gone home.

"Well, at least the red-headed slut is gone. That's for true."

"And lefted the door open & everything." Wanda said as she noticed the tv, the computer, the dvd player, & the cd player missing. "I guess, someone just came on in here & stole all of the electronics too."

"I wouldn't be surprised, Wanda." Timmy started. "People would do anything for money. Especially these days, during this recession & people are bein' layed off & shit like that."

"Yeah. Stupid Bush & his policies!" Wanda sniffed.

Suddenly, Cosmo appears, He was wearing a bandage around his waist.

"Are we talkin' about George W. Bush? I wanna talk about him, too!" he whined.

"Okay, fine!" Wanda said, not wanting to hear her husband whine like a little bitch.

"I'm glad, that I voted for him in 2000 & caused that Florida recount. And caused him to get the most votes in 2004. He's a great president! He patrotic & all that jazz!"

Timmy looks at him.

"So, you was the one, who caused that Florida recount?" he asks.

"Yeah." Cosmo admitted.

"Wait a minute. Wait a minute. So, you was the one, who caused this country eight years of suffering? And this recession?" Wanda asked, getting angry a bit.

"Yep!" Cosmo said with a somewhat proud smile on his face.

Wanda poofs up a anvil over Cosmo's head & it falls ontop of him. The audience laughs.

"Oooh! Ha!Ha!Ha!" the pain-loving fairy laughed stupidly.

"Bastard!" Wanda sniffed as she follows Timmy into the kitchen.

"Damn! They picked this place clean, too." Timmy said as he & Wanda noticed, that the refridgerator, microwave, the stove range & oven, & the dishwasher was all missing.

"Your parents are gonna freak, when they see all this appliances missing." Wanda said.

"Probably." Timmy said. "Or mom'll probably blame dad for leavin' the door unlocked again. Just like the last time."

* * *

Timmy's mom was upset & was yelling at his dad for leaving the front door open.

"How many times, do have I tell your stupid ass, not to leave the fuckin' open, if you come home drunk?" Mrs. Turner sniffed angrily.

Dad counts on his fingers.

"Uh, 8,000 times?" he said, with a stupid smile on his face.

"You think, this shit's funny?" Mom snapped, because Dad was smiling & laughing a bit.

"What?" Dad asked, not paying any attention. "I was thinkin' about the last time, we was arguing. You was wearin' a sexy blue top with the..."

"**PAY ATTENTION TO ME!**" Mom shouted. "Now, thanks to you. Looks like I have to work extra overtime to get all of the money, so I can buy brand new electronics & appliances!"

"Can I work overtime, too?" Dad asked.

"No, you can't!" Mom started. "I make more than you at your ole boring pencil-pushin' job or that McDonald's that you work at."

The audience laughs.

"Aww! You hurt my feelings." Dad said in a hurt voice.

"Ah, screw you!" Mom sniffed. "Just for that, you & your right hand get to sleep on the couch tonight & every night until all of the electronics & appliances are replaced!"

She leaves. Dad is upset.

"Ah, dammit!" he said.

Then he kicks a nearby empty can & the audience laughs.

* * *

"Looks like, I have to make you some breakfast." Wanda said, as she changed herself into a waitress. "So, what do you want?"

"I want some bacon, eggs, & pancakes." Timmy announced.

"Okay. D'you want any juice or milk?" Wanda asked as she wrote down the order.

"Yeah. Orange juice & milk." Timmy said.

"Okay." Wanda said as she wrote down the last two items. "Alright. The food's gon'a be ready in ten minutes, hun!" she said in a Rosie Perez type of voice as she shook her hips like Perez.

Cosmo suddenly appears. He had a bandage wrapped around his head.

"I thought, I just heard Rosie Perez in here."

"No. That was Wanda, doin' her impression of her." Timmy told him. "Not a bad impression, either."

Then he looks at Cosmo & his injuries.

"Dude. Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yeah, I'm cool." Cosmo said. "I'm cool."

It was almost 7:45 now & Timmy just got done finishing breakfast.

"Dammit! I've missed the fuckin' bus!" he sniffed.

"Not to worry, Timmy." Wanda said as she lifted up her wand. "We'll poof you to school."

"Yeah." Cosmo said, as he raised his wand.

Wanda turns to him.

"Maybe, I should do it. If I leave it to you, you'll probably poof us to some other planet or some shit like that."

"Aw man!" Cosmo sniffed.

So, with the wave of her wand, Wanda poofed them all to school & just in time too. The school bell had runged.

"Time to face another day of F's from that bastard Crocker." Timmy muttered as he went to class.

"That's the spirit, champ!" Cosmo said stupidly.

Wanda didn't say anything, as they both turned into Timmy's notebook & folder.

* * *

Inside the classroom, all of the students was waiting for Crocker. Well, some of them anyway. Most of the other students was talking to each other. Just then, a black man with a black suitcase walks into the classroom. He was wearing a white business shirt, black tie, black business pants & black business shoes. He was also balding a bit. The theme from BBC sitcom 'Chef!' was playing.

"**AIGHT, SHUT UP!**" he hollered.

This gotten everyone's attention & all of the students went ran to their desks. The black man then took a piece of chalk & started writing something on the chalkboard.

He stopped shortly.

"**AIGHT! THA NAME'S MR. WILLIAMS!**" he shouted.

Timmy looked down to Cosmo & Wanda.

"Hey, is it just me or does that guy looks familar?" he asks.

Wanda & Cosmo looks at the man.

"Oh shit! D'you know, who that man is?" Cosmo said all star-strucked.

"No. That's the reason, I'd asked you." Timmy sniffed.

"That's Ollie Williams." Wanda said. "The richiest weatherman in the world."

"Oh. No wonder, he looks so familiar." Timmy muttered.

"**AIGHT! YO' CRAZY ASS TEACHER, MR. COCKER HAD BEEN ARRESTED FO' TERRORIZIN' A GOVER'N'MENT BUILDIN', SUSPECTIN' DAT 'FAIRIES' WAS TRYIN' TO TAKE CONTROL OF AMERICA & IS WAITIN' IN A JAILCELL AWAITIN' TRIAL. SO WHILE HE'S THERE, I'MA GON'NA BE YALL'S SUBSITUTE TEACHER FOR THA REMINDER OF THA YEAR!**" Ollie said.

Everyone started celebrating.

"**AIGHT!**" Ollie started. "**YO' ASSHOLE OF A TEACHER, HAS WRITTEN DOWN FOR TODAY; _'GIVE KIDS F'S.'_ BUT LUCKILY FOR YALL, DAT I DON'T FOLLOW SUCH CRAP! FO' THA REST OF THA DAY, YALL CAN GOOF OFF & ALL DAT SHIT!**"

So everyone started doing whatever they want. Timmy relaxed in his seat.

"_Ah!_ A day off!" he sighed. "That's what I deserve."

"So, what are you gonna do first?" Wanda asked.

"I would like to get some sleep." Timmy said as he was putting on some shades. "As for you two, I wish that you two go to Stamford, Connecticut & destroy bullshit talk shows like 'The Steve Wilkos show', & 'Maury'."

"What about Jerry Springer?" Cosmo asked. "They tape there, too."

"Oh yeah. Well, you can keep the security dudes from holdin' the guests back from fighting & make it real." Timmy said. "Yay, Violence!"

"That sounds like a wise idea, Timmy!" Cosmo said.

"Well, that's gonna take us a few hours." Wanda said.

"Yeah, I know." Timmy said. "What's wrong with that?"

"Uh, nothing. I guess." Wanda answered.

"C'mon! Let's go already!" Cosmo bitched.

"Shut the fuck up, before I'll hurt you again!" Wanda shouted.

Then she turned her attention back to Timmy.

"If you need us. Just holler."

"I know. I know." Timmy said as his two godparents disappeared to do the deeds. "Now, I can get some sleep!"

Then Timmy pulls his hat over his eyes & went to sleep.

* * *

It was later in the school day now. It was almost time to go home. Timmy was awake now & the two fairies had returned from doing the ordered deeds & was also discussing about it too.

"Ah, damn! You should've seen it, Timmy!" Cosmo started. "That Steve guy's vein in his head was about to pop! His head was as red as a, uh Wanda. What's that red plant thingy, that grows on vines & you make ketchup out of it?"

"Tomatoes." Wanda said as she rolled her eyes.

"Yeah! Tomatoes!" Cosmo said. "I thought that fucker would pop!"

"That would've been funny to see." Timmy said.

Then the last bell of the school day finally ranged & Ollie stood. up.

"**AIGHT! SHUT THA HELL UP!**" he shouted.

Everyone did.

"**I'M GONNA GIVE YALL HOMEWORK, TONIGHT!**" Ollie said.

"Awww!" the students groaned.

"**HA! JUST KIDDIN'!**" Ollie laughed. "**NOW GIT OUTTA HERE!**"

So, whatever students that was lefted in the classroom, ran the hell out of the classroom.

At his locker, Timmy was taking out some things. Cosmo & Wanda poofed up.

"Hey Timmy! What are you gettin'? Huh? Is it porn?" Cosmo asked, begging stupidly. "Huh? Please tell me!"

Timmy turns to him.

"I'm not gonna tell you what it is." he sniffed.

"That means, yes it is." Wanda said. "Dumbass!"

Cosmo frowned.

"Aw, why do you have to be so mean?" he whined.

Wanda ignored his whining & turned to Timmy.

"So, are you ready to go home & see your drunken parents argue?"she asks.

"Yeah." Timmy exclaimed. "With them arguin' over the stolen electronics & appliances, they'll won't be able to go out tonight & that bitch Vicky won't come over & beat the shit outta me!"

So with the wave of her wand, Wanda poofed them all back to Timmy's house.

As Timmy was about to open the front door, the front door was swung open, by none other than his parents, and Cosmo & Wanda quickly turns back into his pencil & eraser.

"Hi Timmy!" they said in cheerful voices & was smiling at him.

Timmy noticed.

"Why are you smiling at me like that?" he asked suspiciously.

"Because, we got some good news." Mom said.

"And some greater news!" Dad added.

"First, the good news." Mom started. "We've got brand new electronics & appliances today!"

"Where did you get all these brand new electronics & appliances from, so quickly?" Timmy asked.

"Internet." his parents said.

"How? The computer was stolen, too." Timmy said.

"The internet at Vicky's house." Mom said.

"Okay?" Timmy said. "So, what's the greater news?"

"The greater news is; that we're goin' out again tonight." Dad said. "And when I mean, 'we're'. I mean; your mother & I."

"I should've seen that comin'." Timmy muttered as he rolled his eyes.

"And guess who's gonna look after you tonight." Mom asked.

"Lemme guess. Vicky?" Timmy asked in a bored tone.

"Wrong!" his parents said in unison. "A new babysitter, just moved in futher down the street & she's looking for some clients. So we decided that you'll be her first new client."

"What? I have to be here, with a strange new babysitter!" Timmy exclaimed, getting angry a bit.

"Yeah!" his parents exclaimed happily.

"She'll be here as soon as we leave!" Dad said, as he was running towards the car with his jacket.

"Have a good time with your new sitter, Timmy." his mom said happily as she ran to the car & the car takes off.

After his parents lefted, Timmy goes into the house with Cosmo & Wanda.

* * *

"Well, at least you have a new babysitter, Timmy." Wanda said, trying to cheer her godchild up.

"Yeah. Someone new, that can beat your ass!" Cosmo added stupidly.

Wanda & Timmy gave him sour looks.

"Wanda. I wish, that you beat the shit outta Cosmo for me, for being so fuckin' stupid!" Timmy said as he rolled his eyes.

So, the wish was granted & Wanda started beating the shit outta of Cosmo.

The audience laughs & cheers.

"Oooh! Ha!Ha!Ha!" stupid Cosmo laughed, as he was getting beat.

Timmy realizing, that this might take some time; decided to watch his dvr recorded episodes of South Park; 'Fishsticks', 'Canada On Strike', 'The Return of Chef', 'The Jeffersons', 'Freak Strike', 'Cartoon Wars I', & 'Cartoon Wars II', which was luckily kept safe from the robbers.

It was twenty minutes later, when Timmy heard the doorbell ranged.

"That must be the fuckin' bitch now." Timmy groaned as he went to answer the door.

The doorbell ringing had gotten the fairies attention & stopped fighting and turned into Timmy's throwpillows. Timmy went to the door. When he opened the door, his eyes went wide & his jaw dropped.

There at the door, was a stunningly beautiful, finely toned, 18 yr. old black young woman. She had deep dark brown eyes, blonde hair, which was half braided & was in a ponytail. She was wearing a black & white t-shirt, black vest, dark blue jeans shorts; which showed off her sexy looking legs, white ankle socks, & black Nikes. She was carrying a blue gymbag.

"Hey. Is this the Turner house?" she asks.

"Y-Y-Yeah." Timmy answered as he was now lovesick for some reason.

"Are you Timmy Turner?" the girl asked.

"Da-Da-Da-Da." Timmy stuttered stupidly as the audience laughed.

The girl laughs.

"That must means yes." she laughed as she walked into the house. "Sorry, I was late. I was, just takin' care of some straight A business at the school. By the way; my name's LaToya Henderson, but you can call me; Toya."

"O-O-Okay, uh, Toya." Timmy stuttered. "T-T-The name's T-T-Timmy."

"I thought so." Toya said as she looked at him.

Then she noticed South Park on tv.

"I see, that you're watchin' South Park."

"Yeah." Timmy answered.

"Can I watch it with you?" Toya asked.

"Sure you can." Timmy said. "Just don't turn me into a pillow."

"Why would I wanna do that to you?" Toya asked.

"Well, my old babysitter always used me as a pillow or a footstool." Timmy explained.

"Did she?" Toya asked.

Timmy nodded.

"You don't need to worry about that." Toya said as she fluffed the green throwpillow, which was Cosmo by the way.

"Ha!Ha!Ha!" he laughs.

Toya stops fluffing.

"What the hell was that?"

"Uh, that was me." Timmy lied. "That Michael Jackson impression is pretty spot on!"

"Yeah, it sure is!" Toya laughed as she opened her gymbag.

Timmy was curious about what she was getting.

"Uh, you're not takin' out some weapons or some shit that might hurt me, are ya?" he asked.

"No. I'm takin' out somethin' to snack on." Toya said. "What? Did that last slut did all that shit to you?"

"Yeah." Timmy started. "She's always pickin' on me, makin' do her chores. Sometimes in a maid's uniform. She always gives me wedgies. When she breaks something that belongs to my parents, she always blames me!"

"She sounds like a total bitch." Toya said as she opened a can of soda. "Sounds like, she doesn't like little kids."

"She don't, even though she had a little sister named Tootie." Timmy started. "Anyway, she only babysits for the money."

"Wait a minute. Did you said; she 'had' a litte sister?" Toya asked.

"Yeah. Her & the rest of the family moved away." Timmy explained.

* * *

Months ago, Vicky parents & Tootie was in their car. They was all packed & everything.

"If that bitch wants the house, well she can have it!" Vicky's dad said.

"Where did we go wrong?" Vicky's mom wondered out loud.

"I think, it's all that MTV, VH1, & their reality; I mean celebreality shows that she watches, mom." Tootie said. "That shit'll brainwash you."

"Yeah, that's it!" said her parents, not really noticing or even caring that their young daughter cussed.

Then they all laughed.

"Alright, enough laughing. Are you ready to leave move to a part of town, where's the community's gated & Vicky can't visit?" Vicky's dad asks.

"Yeah." Tootie & her mom said.

"Thank god, that I saved about half of million dollars, that was going to Vicky's college fund, so we can buy this new house." Vicky's dad said. "Okay, let's leave this bitch!"

Then he starts up the car & pulls off. They passed by Vicky, who was laughing evily & was sitting on a throme, which was on the porch. It made of pure gold & diamonds. She was also wearing a crown.

"**YOU ASSHOLES'LL BE BACK!**" she shouted at the car "**YOU'LL COME BACK CRAWLIN' ON YOUR FUCKIN' KNEES!** **HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!**"

Then she drunk some wine in a champagne glass & threw the glass at one of her former parent's wedding photos.

* * *

"So, they moved away, huh?" Toya asked.

Timmy nodded.

"So, what this girl's name?" Toya asked.

"Her name's Vicky." Timmy said. "Icky with a V!"

"Icky with a V. Cute." Toya said. "Anyway, you don't need to worry about that shit. I won't do that type of shit, to someone your age."

"Would you do that type of thing to your brothers & sisters?" Timmy asked.

"Yeah, of course, I would." Toya said. "But you're a total stranger & my very first client, so I wouldn't do that type of shit to any other kid, that's not my brothers or sisters."

"Okay, I believe you." Timmy smiled.

Then he noticed the green & pink throwpillows.

"Uh, can you switch throwpillows with me? I kinda like the green one. It's comfortable."

"Oh. Okay." Toya said as she picked up the green pillow & gave it to him.

Timmy gave her the pink pillow & they watched the rest of the South Park episodes together.

It was after 7:00 now. Timmy's stomach rumbled. Toya notices.

"You hungry?"

"Yeah." Timmy started. "I-I kinda forgot to eat lunch today."

"Why did you forget?" Toya asked.

"I slept from the time, I arrived in class to the end of the school day." Timmy explained. "We had subsitute today & everyone did whatever they wanted."

"So, that's it." Toya said as she looked at him with a sly smile.

Timmy smiles & laughed nervously.

"So, what do you want?" Toya asked as she took out her cell phone. "How 'bout mexican food? Can you eat that?"

"Yeah." Timmy answered.

"Okay." Toya said. "Can you gimme the phone book?"

"Yeah." Timmy said, as Cosmo poofed up a phone book. "Oh, here it is."

Toya was amazed.

"Damn, Timmy. That was quick!"

"I'm a fast runner." Timmy lied, covering up the real reason, that he got the phone book so quickly.

So Toya skimmed through the phone book & found a perfect Mexican restraunt to order their dinners from.

"Hey Timmy! Can I have some..." Cosmo started, before he was smacked by pillow Wanda.

"Shut the fuck up, silly bastard!" she sniffed.

Timmy laughs at the stupid green pillow.

Little bit later, after the food had arrived and Timmy & Toya had eaten their dinners. Timmy was drinking a soda & Toya was wiping her mouth with a napkin.

"So, what do you wanna do now?" Toya asked as she put down the used napkin.

"I dunno." Timmy started. "My old babysitter usually beats the shit outta me right about now."

"I've got some dvds." Toya said. "D'you like; 'House Party', 'Friday' & 'Friday After Next'?"

"Never seen them." Timmy started. "My parents, only let me watch gay movies with Robin Williams & Seth Rogan in them."

"Damn! Your parents are such assholes." Toya said.

"Yeah, tell me about it." Timmy said. "This 'House Party' & 'Friday' movies, sounds interesting."

"They are." Toya said as she took out her portable dvd player. "A whole bunch of shit happens in them."

"Okay, I'll give it a try." Timmy said as Toya put the dvd into the portable dvd player.

"That's the spirit, Timmy." Toya smiled.

Timmy also smiled. Not just because he had a perfect babysitter, but he was happy that the day went so perfect.

* * *

It was later now. It was after 12:30, when his parents finally returned.

"Timmy, we're back." they called.

Toya & Timmy got off the couch.

"Hey there, Mrs. Turner. Mr. Turner. How'd you enjoy your night?" Toya asked with a smile on her face.

"It was entertaining." Mom said as she frowned at Dad.

"What? I'd just complimented on that waitress' skirt." Dad complained.

Mom rolled her eyes & turned to Timmy.

"Did you have a great time with your new babysitter, LaToya?" she asked.

"Yeah, we had a great time, mom." Timmy answered. "Can Toya can look after me more often?"

Mrs. Turner looks at Toya.

"Well, can you? Timmy seems to like you a lot."

"Me too!" Dad butted in.

"Me three!" Cosmo shouted stupidly from the couch. "She has such a nice ass!"

"Shut up, asshole!" Wanda hissed as she poofs up a lock over Cosmo's mouth.

"She has such a nice ass!" Dad added.

Everyone stared at him.

"Just shut up okay? Just shut up." Mom said. "You're gonna scare her away."

Then she went into her purse & took out a wad of $50 dollar bills.

"Since you did a good job on takin' care of Timmy & it's your first time here; I'm gonna give you this wad of $50s."

"Thank you, Mrs. Turner." Toya said as she took the money. "Well, I gotta go home now."

She turns to Timmy.

"Bye Timmy."

"Bye Toya." Timmy said dreamily as he watched Toya walk home.

"Alright Timmy. It's time for bed now." Mrs. Turner said.

So Timmy grabs the pink & green throwpillows & went to his room.

Mom turns to Dad.

"Just for that stupid act, you get to sleep in the garage tonight!" she sniffed.

"Aw man!" Dad sniffed.

"I hope, it'll serve you right!" Mom said as she walked away.

* * *

In Timmy's room, Cosmo & Wanda back in their fairy forms, was watching Timmy get ready for bed.

"So, what do you think about Toya, Timmy?" Wanda asked.

"Toya-Timmy! Ha!Ha!Ha!" the stupid green-haired fairy laughed.

"Ignore him. So did you like her?" Wanda asks.

There was no answer from Timmy.

"Timmy?" Wanda asked.

There was still no answer.

"Well?" asked the female fairy.

"I don't like her." Timmy said.

Cosmo & Wanda looked at each other.

"I love her!" Timmy exclaimed. "She's so perfect! She extremely better and nicer, than that flat-chested, pancaked ass, pink eyed jew!"

"Gee, I wonder who's that?" Cosmo asked stupidly.

"I'm talkin' about Vicky, asshole!" Timmy shouted. "Anyway, I hope Toya comes over a whole lot more & Vicky loses business & then have to work at a drive-thru at a fast food joint!"

"That's kinda harsh, Timmy." Wanda said.

"Well, she deserves it." Timmy said. "She been hard on my ass for years. It's time for someone to knock Vicky off her high horse & I hope Toya can do it."

Cosmo suddenly poofs up next to Timmy.

"So, that Toya's hot, eh Timmy?" he asked his godchild in a sly type of voice.

"Yeah, she pretty hot." Timmy replied.

"Did you see her figure?" Cosmo asked.

"Yeah!" Timmy exclaimed. "I would like to knock the dust off of that pussy!"

Wanda, not wanting to hear the banter between her husband & godchild, decided to go into the fishbowl for the night.

"Sick! Just sick!" she muttered as she turned herself into a goldfish & went into the fishbowl.

"I heard, that most white guys like black women, Timmy." Cosmo said. "And vise versa!"

"I already know that." Timmy said. "At least her hair's real & it's not a wig or a weave. Whatever that is."

"That Wendy Williams show's one hell of a drug." Cosmo uttered stupidly.

The audience laughs at his stupidity.

Timmy yawns.

"Well, this had been a great day. Had a great subsitute teacher. Didn't get beat up by a dumb ass bully. And the best thing of all; I didn't get beat up by Vicky!" he exclaims.

"And I've gotten my ass kicked a million times today!" Cosmo added stupidly. "A new record! **YAY!**"

"You're an asshole, Cosmo." Timmy said as he turned off the bedside lamp. "You're an asshole."

"Why thank you, Timmy!" Cosmo said. "Have a nice, wet dream with that new girl!"

"Shut up!" Timmy shouted.

So, Cosmo turned himself into a goldfish & went into the fishbowl. And Timmy went happily to sleep.

* * *

Soon everyone in Dimmsdale was asleep, but all wasn't right in the city. One person was still up & that person was Vicky. She was wide awake in her parents' king-sized bed; listening to Donna Summer's 'Bad girls'. Usually, the song helps her get to sleep, but not tonight.

"Damn! I have a really bad feeling about 'Twerp' Turner." she muttered as she squeezed a pillow tight. "I feeling, that he might try to come up with a plan to get rid of me, once & for all!"

Then she thought a bit more of the theory.

"Nah. He's not smart enough to come up a plan to get rid of me. Maybe next time when I 'sit' him, I'll beat him, just for that!"

Then Vicky feels sleepy & 'Bad Girls' was winding down.

"Ahh! That's better." she yawns.

The cd player stops playing & the redhead is fast asleep & she is muttering something too.

"Kill the twerp! Kill the twerp!" she muttered in her sleep as she sucked her thumb.

_**Author's Note: **__That's it for the second chapter. We've had a lot happened in this chapter. Cosmo loves pain. Timmy's mom cheats on her husband & he cheats on her. Wanda does a good Rosie Perez impression. Crocker is locked up & Ollie Williams is doing his job now. Tootie & her parents moved to a rich gated community. Toya is the new babysitter and Timmy may be in love with her, & Vicky loves 70's tunes, haves dreams of killing Timmy, & sucks her thumb while she sleeps. Please review or suggest what type of pain you want Cosmo want to experience in the next chapter. _


	3. Vicky Loses Business

Vicky loses business

It been a couple days, since Timmy met Toya. It's been a couple day since, he saw her. Mainly because, Timmy's parents are having domestic problems & isn't going out everynight, like they used to. This to Timmy was a good thing, since they probably have Vicky come over to sit over him again, if Toya wasn't available.

Anyway, it was a partly cloudy morning in Dimmsdale. Cosmo & Wanda was already awake in their fishbowl, waiting for Timmy to wake up. As they waited, Cosmo started a conversation. Knowing him, it probably might be something stupid.

"Hey Wanda! Why is the sky blue? I mean, they could of had it painted in red or green! Yeah, green! My favorite color! Why the water's blue, when it's gray in real life? Why the US dollar's..."

"Shut up!" Wanda sniffed as she poofed a anvil over Cosmo's head.

It falls on him.

"Ooooh! Ha!Ha!Ha!" laughed the asshole as the audience laughs at his torment.

Just then Timmy woke up.

"God! What a wonderful dream!"

Then he turns to his fairies.

"Hey guys."

Wanda turned to him.

"Good morning, sweetie. How are you feelin' this morning?"

"I'm doin' fine, Wanda." Timmy answered as Wanda & Cosmo; who still had the anvil on his head, flew from the fishbowl.

"Did you had some wet dreams last night?" Wanda said slyly.

"Yeah, I did..." Timmy started, before he realized who he was talking to. "Wanda?"

"Yeah. What? Cosmo's not the only one, who can talk about masturbation & dreams." Wanda said, as she waxed her wand causally. "So, did ya?"

"Yep." Timmy said.

"Did you dream about the new babysitter; Toya?" Wanda asked slyly.

"Y-eah." Timmy said, getting uneasy talking to Wanda about this subject. "Uh, Wanda. I kinda feel uncomfortable, talkin' to you about this."

"I enjoy, talkin' about this subject with you." Wanda said, looking at him straight in the eye. "I enjoy, seein' you sweat in front of me."

"Uh,.." Timmy started, before he heard a knock on his bedroom door.

Cosmo & Wanda poofed into Timmy's book & folder.

"Timmy." The voice, that belonged to his mom, said. "Breakfast's ready."

"Be down there in a second!" Timmy responded as he grabbed the book & folder.

Downstairs, Timmy was at the kitchen table & so was his dad.

"So, mom. What's for breakfast?" Timmy asked his mother.

"You're havin'; scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage patties, pancakes with syrup, & orange juice." Mrs. Turner said as she put the breakfast platter down in front of him.

Timmy's dad noticed.

"Hey! That's my breakfast!" Dad bitched.

Mom gave him a pissed off glance. Dad shut up.

"You'll eat the cold Captain Crunch & like it!" Mom sniffed.

"Awww!" Dad said as he poured the milk into the bowl of cereal.

"I hope, that you enjoy, what I've got fix for your lunch today, Timmy." Mom said.

"What is it?" Timmy asked.

"It's a TBLT. Turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato, mustard, Miracle Whip. All on white sub bread, with a side of Fritos & 6 pack soda." Mom explained.

"Hey! That's my..." Dad started, before getting another cold glare from Mom.

"I-I'll just eat some tuna fish on rye." Dad said nervously as he smiled nervously.

"That's what I thought!" Mom said.

"Sounds like a great lunch, mom!" Timmy burped as he pushed his empty plate aside.

"I know, I worked so hard on it." Mom said as Timmy looks at his lunch.

"Gee, thanks Mom." he said as he looked at the clock.

It was almost time for the bus.

"Almost time for the bus, Timmy." Mom said.

So Timmy, along with his book & folder walks out of the kitchen.

Mom then turns to Dad. She was pissed.

"Who told you, to say anything! Huh!" she snapped.

"But I..." Dad started, before being shuted up.

"I'll be glad, when our divorce goes through, so I can be with a better husband!" Mrs. Turner sniffed as she grabbed her purse. "Now, take your ass to that McDonald's & start flippin' those burgers!"

"It's not a McDonald's, it's a..." Dad started, before being shut up, by Mom again.

"Who the fuck cares! Now get outta here!" Mom shouted.

So Dad, with his head down, grabbed his bagged lunch of tuna fish on rye, walked out of the door.

"Stupid bastard!" Mom sniffed as she grabbed the car keys & slammed the door closed.

Timmy was sitting on the steps in front of his house, waiting for the bus. Wanda decided to have a another talk about Toya.

"So, Timmy." Wanda said in her fairy form. "That Toya's hot, huh?"

"Yeah, she's hot!" Cosmo said in his squirrel form, who was collecting nuts, by Timmy's parents car.

"She's better lookin' than you, Wanda!"

Wanda give him a cold look. Just then, the car started & it backed up. Cosmo had his attention on gathering nuts & didn't noticed the car backing down on him.

Wanda had a evil smile on her face.

"This shit's goin' to be good!" she laughed.

The car squashed the stupid green squirrel & drove away.

"Oooh! Ha!Ha!Ha!" he laughed stupidly. "I'm a squirrel pancake! Where's the syrup! Ha!Ha!Ha!"

"Damn, Cosmo. You're a fuckin' moron." Timmy sniffed.

"I know!" stupid Cosmo said, poofing up a diploma-like paper. "I was voted to be the most moronic fairy in the class of 1886!"

"I'm not surprised. You've been in high school, since 1096!" Wanda sniffed. "Fuckin' asshole!"

"Well, at least, I didn't get my head stuck in the raditator, like I did when I was in kindergarten." Cosmo said stupidly.

* * *

Cosmo was in kindergarten. He was looking at the raditator, dreamily.

"Pretty thingy!" he said stupidly. "Must play with it!"

He puts his head into the raditior.

"Ooooh! Ha!Ha!Ha!" Cosmo laughed. "This sure is a great place to hide!"

Then the lunchbell rings.

"Oooh! Lunch!" exclaimed Cosmo.

Then he tries to pull his head out, but it was stuck.

"Oh shit! I'm stuck!" he cried. "Uh, help me! Anybody?"

But no one comes to help him. This leaves Cosmo to think a bit. Ooooh! Scary. Isn't it?

"I know! I can use my wand to get me out of here!"

He picks up his wand & swings it.

"Am I out? Nope."

But unfortunately, his magic caused Mt. Vensius to erupt in Pompeii, thus killing all of it's citizens.

* * *

"And that didn't help the people of Pompeii." Wanda sniffed.

Just then, the bus pulls up. Timmy, along with Wanda & Cosmo, who happened to be recovered from being squished, who was his pencil & eraser got onto the bus.

* * *

On the bus, Timmy sat with his two friends, Chester & AJ.

"Mornin' guys." Timmy said.

"Hey Timmy." Chester said happily.

"Whatever." AJ muttered.

"What's wrong with you?" Timmy asked.

"It's somethin', that you two won't understand." AJ replied.

"Is it a race thing?" Timmy asked.

"Yep." AJ said. "Why is my family, the only black family in town? Why am I the only black kid in class?"

"I've got answers for those questions." Timmy started. "The answer to the second question. Crocker's always been sort of a racist."

"Crocker's a racist?" Chester asks. "I never known, Crocker to be a racist. He always gives AJ, A's."

"That's because, AJ's the only one that studies in the class." Timmy started. "And if Crocker gives AJ a F, AJ will just file a lawsuit against Crocker for discrimination & AJ'll win & Crocker, the school, and the school system will lose."

"Yeah, that's right!" AJ said.

"And the answer for the first question. Your family is not the only black family in town. Matter of fact, there's a new black family down on my street." Timmy said. "And the subsitute's black. So I hope, that answers your questions, AJ."

"Yeah, it does." AJ smiled.

"Well, at least that problem's solved." Timmy said to the pencil & eraser.

"Yeah. Now you can go back to concentratin' on Toya." Wanda said slyly.

"Shut up!" Timmy hissed.

"Dude, who are you talkin' to?" Chester asked.

"Uh! I wasn't talking!" Timmy exclaimed. "I was, just thinkin' outloud! Yeah. Outloud."

* * *

At school, everyone was talking about what they was gonna do today, when Ollie walks in.

"**AIGHT! WE'S GON'A WATCH TV FO' THA DAY!**" he said as he turns on the tv.

"**YAY!**" all of the students cheered.

So Ollie grabs the remote for the tv & changes the channel. Timmy relaxes in his chair as Cosmo & Wanda looks up at him.

"So, what d'you wanna do, Timmy?" Cosmo asked. "How 'bout we play poker? I'm a wiz at poker!"

"Yeah, you're a wiz at it alright." Wanda said dryly. "A wiz at losin'! Besides, he can't play poker at school. It's against the rules."

"I dunno, Wanda." Timmy started. "Those thugs, that sit at the very last table in the lunchroom, always play poker. Matter of fact, they always do something illegal."

"You have a point there, Timmy." Wanda muttered.

"So, are you gonna play poker with us or what?" Cosmo whined.

"Yeah." Timmy said.

"**YAY!**" Cosmo cheered, as Wanda frowned.

"But there are a couple of things, that you both need to do first." Timmy said.

"What's that?" both fairies asked.

"You both have to be human kids."

"What about Ollie Williams, Timmy?" Wanda asked. "Will he notice, that there's two strange kids in the class?"

"Nope. He won't notice." Timmy started. "Besides, there's a whole hell of a lot of kids, that don't belong in this class or even in this school in here. So, two more strange kids won't matter."

"Damn! I guess, the principal stopped caring." Wanda said.

"That's right." Timmy started. "She's too busy, stuffin' her fat face with Big Macs, Quarter Pounders, 15 pc. KFC chicken dinners, cookies, & other shit."

"C'mon! Let's play poker, Wanda!" Cosmo bitched.

So, Wanda rolled her eyes, raised her wand & turned herself & Cosmo into two 12yr. olds.

Wanda was wearing a yellow shirt, black skirt, white socks, & black sneakers. And Cosmo was wearing a red shirt, black pants, & black sneakers.

"Alright!" Cosmo said, as he poofed up some poker cards. "Let's get this shit started!"

So he tosses the cards & they start playing.

* * *

Meanwhile across town. Vicky was now getting up.

"It feels like a wonder day. To kill some twerps!" she said with an evil smile on her face. "Startin' with 'Twerp Turner'!"

Then she looks at a clock. It was after 9:30.

"Oh shit! I forgot! The fuckin' twerp is at school. Well, I guess, I have to watch borin' old court shows, until he gets outta school." she said boredly.

Then an idea pops into her head.

"But, I can always get some toturing devices for later."

So she went to her closet & took out some toturing devices like; a chainsaw, a maze, a sledgehammer, & other stuff like that. After she done all that, she decided to watch some tv.

* * *

It was later in the day now. Timmy's poker game had finished.

"Yay! I lose!" Cosmo exclaimed happily.

"God! You're a stupid asshole!" Wanda sniffed.

"Yes, I know!" Cosmo smiled stupidly.

Timmy was gathering all of the cash, that the two fairies betted.

"Cosmo. You make a cheese sandwich seem smart."

"Why thank you, Timmy!" the stupid green-haired fairy said.

Wanda looks at the clock. It was almost time to go home.

"It's almost time to go home."

"I wonder, if my drunken parents are gonna be arguin' again tonight?" Timmy asked.

"I dunno." Cosmo interrupted. "Probably."

The school bell rang, signaling the end of the school day.

"**AIGHT!**" Ollie said. "**GET LOST!**"

So all of the students ran the hell outta the classroom.

"Now time to go home!" Timmy said as he turned to his fairies, who was still in their child forms.

So without anyone looking, Cosmo & Wanda took out their wands & poofed all three of them to Timmy's house.

"Ah! Home at last." Timmy sighed as Cosmo & Wanda changed into his pencil & eraser now.

"Yay! Arguements!" the stupid green pencil hollered.

Wanda frowned at him.

"God! What an asshole!"

Timmy went to the dinner table, where his parents was. Well mom was at the table. His dad was sitting in the patio, smoking a joint.

"Stupid whore!" Dad muttered as he took a puff from the joint.

The audience laughs.

Ignoring his dad's joint smoking. Timmy sat at the dinner table.

"So mom. What's for dinner?"

"You're gonna have a steak dinner with all the fixings." Mom said.

"Steak?" Timmy asked.

Mrs. Turner nodded.

"Sounds good!"

"While you eat your dinner, me & you so-called father's preparing to go out tonight." Mom said.

"Who's gonna watch after me?" Timmy asked as he took a bite from his steak.

"It's..." Mrs. Turner started, before she heard the doorbell.

She turns to the direction of the patio.

"Stop smokin' that joint & answer the damn door!"

"Alright. Alright." Dad muttered as he put down the joint.

He went to the door & opened it. There standing at the door was; Vicky. She was carrying a black bookbag.

"Hi, Mr. Turner." she said in a friendly voice as she waved. "I see, that you been smokin' the stuff again."

"It's been a long day at work, Vicky." Dad said. "It's been a long day. So, you're gonna watch Timmy tonight?"

"Yep!" Vicky said. "We're gonna have a lot of fun."

Just then, Mom came up. She looks at Vicky.

"What she's doin' here?"

"She's here to look after Timmy." Dad said.

Mom pushed Dad aside.

"Let me handle this."

Then she turns to Vicky.

"Sorry Vicky. We got someone else to look after Timmy."

"What?" Vicky shouted, before regaining her composure. "I mean, oh darn."

"She's gonna be our new sitter for now on." Mom said. "I'm sorry, Vicky."

"I'm sorry, too." Vicky muttered to herself. "I don't get to beat up the twerp anymore."

"Why don't you go look after your other clients?" Mrs. Turner suggested as she slams the door in Vicky's face.

"My other clients?" Vicky said, nervously. "Oh no! Not them!"

* * *

_**(Vicky's memory)**_

Vicky was at a ghettoized apartment. She was looking after some black kids. These kids were different from the usual kids, that she sits after. Normally, all of the other kids, be afraid of her, but this case was different. She was afraid of these kids. Anyway, the parents of these kids, left the kids with Vicky for the night & things was going well. For the kids anyway.

"Scrub tha damn floor, bitch!" the first kid, who was a boy ordered.

He slaps Vicky in the face.

"Ow! Why you little..." Vicky growled, before she was grabbed by a girl.

"What was you 'bout to call him then?" The girl sniffed. "A nig*a?"

"N-N-No I wasn't..." Vicky stuttered, before being interrupted by the boy.

"Shut tha hell up, cracka!" he barked.

He then grabs a bundle of clothes.

"Here! Do my fuckin' laundry!"

He throws the dirty clothes into Vicky's face.

"Fuck me." Vicky muttered sadly.

"I will, if you don't do my fuckin' draws, 'ho!" The boy shouted, as the audience laughs at Vicky's predictament.

Vicky, feeling defeated, went to do the boy's laundry.

Later, it was dinner time.

"You! White bitch! Make us some grub!" The boy shouted.

"Yeah!" The girl added.

"W-What do you guys want?" Vicky wearily asked, scared.

"We want a ton of party food fo' our partyguests!" The boy said.

It then shows the entire apartment filled of partyguests.

"**WE WANT OUR FOOD! WE WANT OUR FOOD! WE WANT OUR FOOD!**" the crowd chanted.

"I-I can't cook for all these people!" Vicky exclaimed. "I just can't!"

The boy turns to his partyguests.

"Hey! This bitch says, dat she can't cook fo' all of us!" He told them.

"**WHAT!**" The guests exclaimed.

"Let's beat the shit outta her!" said a guy in the crowd.

"**YEAH!**" The others shouted. "**LET'S BEAT HER ASS!**"

"Holy shit!" Vicky shouted.

The crowd attacks her, as the audience laughs & applauses.

_**(End flashback)**_

* * *

"Well, looks like I'm outta business." Vicky muttered sadly. "Since, I only have two clients & one of them only pays me a whole of a hell lot. The other one, beats the shit outta me. Looks like, I have to go back to my old job, at the fast food joint!"

Then she walks sadly away. Back in the house, Timmy turns to his mom.

"You mean, Toya's comin' here tonight?"

"Yep." his mom answered.

"That's just great!" Timmy exclaimed happily.

His mom looks at him.

"I've never seen you so happy, Timmy." she started. "It's like, that you wanna us & when I mean 'us'; I meant, me to fire Vicky?"

"Um, no." Timmy lied.

Mrs. Turner thought about it.

"Whatever."

Then she grabs her purse.

"Well, we must be going."

Then she turns towards the patio.

"Put down that fuckin' joint & let's go!"

"Yeah. Yeah." Timmy's dad said, as he put out the joint.

He puts on his jacket & went towards mom.

"Ready?" he asks.

"I've been ready!" Timmy's mom sniffed.

Then she turns to Timmy.

"Be good to Toya, sweetie. Bye."

And with that, Timmy's parents left. Timmy with a wide grin on his face cheers.

"Yay! No more Vicky! Yay!"

Then he stops cheering.

"I better, go upstairs & get ready for Toya."

Then he goes upstairs to change.

In his room, Timmy was taking out some clean clothes. Cosmo & Wanda poofed up.

"So, Toya's gonna be your permament babysitter now?" Cosmo asked.

"Yep." Timmy said, as he threw a pair of pants aside. "I hope so."

"Looks like, you're gonna be enjoyin' Toya's company for now on." Wanda said, slyly.

"Yeah." Timmy answered, not paying attention to what Wanda said.

"Ha! I knew it!" Wanda teased.

Timmy then stopped looking for clothes & thought about what Wanda had said.

"Hey! Are you fuckin' around with me?"

"Yeah." Wanda laughed.

"Ha!Ha!Ha! You're an all-day sucker, Timmy!" Cosmo laughed. "Ha!Ha!Ha!"

Timmy ignored his fairies.

"Do you guys mind? I'm tryin' to change."

"We don't mind." Wanda said as she turns her back to him.

"Yeah, we don't mind." Cosmo started. "We don't mind you, changin' for your girlfriend."

Then the green haired fairy turns his back to him.

"Fuckin' idiots!" Timmy muttered as he took off his old clothes & put on the new clothes.

Soon he was done.

"There. Done."

His faires turns to him. Wanda was amazed.

"Damn! I've never seen you look so neat & tidy, Timmy."

"You look like, a spoiled mid-class kid, with buckteeth, who wears a silly pink hat." Cosmo said stupidly.

"Yeah, I..." Timmy started, then he stops. "Hey!"

"Ha!Ha!Ha!" Cosmo laughed. "You fell for it! Ha!Ha!Ha!"

Timmy turns to Wanda.

"Wanda. I wish, that Cosmo have a ride in a roller coaster, of awesome death that lasts for one mile & breaks off and falls into a pile of shit."

So Wanda granted the wish & the idiotic green-haired fairy disappeared in a poof of smoke that said; 'Get Lost Asshole'.

* * *

"Ha!Ha!Ha!" Cosmo laughed a little bit.

Then he realized, where he was at.

"Where the hell am I?"

The roller coaster started rolling on the track, which was all curvy & bumpy.

Cosmo seemed to enjoy this bit.

"Oooh! I love the bumps & curves on this thing! I hope, it lasts a mile or so."

The the roller coaster started going faster & faster.

Cosmo was enjoying this.

"Yay! Speed!" he cheered.

The coaster was going 300 mph now as it hit the bumpy tracks.

Cosmo was loving this.

"**WHEEEEEE!**" he cheered. "**THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE! I HOPE THINGS'LL GET BETTER!**"

Futher down the line, was a big pile of shit.

Cosmo noticed this, but being the asshole he is, thought it was a pile of ice cream.

"Yay! I'm about to hit into that pile of ice cream!" he exclaimed happily, as he took of a spoon & a bib. "Get ready, ice cream. Here comes Cosmo!"

The roller coaster car goes off the tracks & into the pile of shit. Face first.

The audience laughs. Cosmo takes his head out of the shit.

"Hey! This isn't ice cream!" he started. "This is chocolate! Yay!"

Then he dives into the poo & start eating it. The audience laughs.

* * *

Back at Timmy's house. Timmy was getting the couch ready. Wanda watched him.

"Damn! You're sure gettin' this place clean." she said.

Timmy turns to her.

"Yeah. Whatever." Timmy said as he straightened out the pillows on the couch.

"D'you want me to be one of those pillows, sport?" Wanda asked. "Like the last time?"

"Yeah." Timmy said. "But not before, poofin' me up some snacks! I wish, that I had Fritos, Doritos, & some pop!"

So Wanda granted the wish & just like that, the asked chips & sodas appeared on the table, in front of the couch.

"Is that all?" Wanda asked.

"Yep." Timmy said.

Just then, stupid Cosmo poofed up, still covered in poo.

"That was fun! I wanna go again!" he exclaimed loudly & stupidly.

Timmy & Wanda looked at him in disgust.

"You look fuckin' disgustin'!" Timmy sneered as he held his nose.

"Yeah." Wanda said. "You could at least, cleaned yourself off!"

Cosmo looked at them.

"You're just jealous, because you didn't take a fun, bumpy ride on a roller coaster, into a giant pile of chocolate."

"That wasn't chocolate, asshole." Wanda started. "It was a pile of shit."

"Shit?" Cosmo asked, as the shit smell came out of his mouth. "You mean, that I ate some..."

"Yep." Timmy & Wanda said in unison.

"Oh well." Cosmo said as he shrugged his shoulders stupidly.

"What a fuckin' idiot!" Wanda groaned, as she poofed up some deodorant & started spraying him & the room.

Then the doorbell rang.

"Oh shit!" Timmy exclaimed. "She's here!"

As soon as Timmy said that, the two faires turned themselves into the couch's throwpillows.

"Oooh! I can't wait til Toya sets her sexy ass onto my head!" Cosmo exclaimed.

Wanda frowns at him. Cosmo notices.

"What? It's not like you was doin' it, or gonna."

"Fuck you!" Wanda sniffed as she quickly poofed a switchblade & sliced Cosmo in half.

"Oooh! Ha!Ha!Ha!" The stupid fairy laughed, as the audience laughs at his pain.

Timmy answers the door.

"Why hello, my dear Toya." he said, as he put a 'cigarette' in his mouth.

Toya laughs.

"Why hello, my dear Timmy. I see, that you're smokin'." she said.

"What d'you mean?" Timmy asked.

"I mean." Toya started, as she got nose to nose with him.

"That cigarette in your mouth."

Timmy takes out the cigarette.

"Oh! This. This isn't a cigarette, it's a fairy stick." he said.

"Whatever." Toya said. "May I come in?"

"Yeah. Sure." Timmy said, nervously.

So Toya walks in.

Timmy & Toya sat on the couch. Toya sat on Wanda & Timmy sat on the Cosmo pillow halves.

The halves was disappointed.

"Aw!" the first half sniffed.

"Shit!" the second half whined.

The audience laughs.

Toya looked at all of the snacks, that was on the table.

"What's with all of the snacks?" she asked.

"Well. Father & mother was expectin' some company, but they made other arrangements for the evening." Timmy explained, trying to sound smart.

"Oh." Toya muttered. "You don't mind, that I have some?"

"No." Timmy answered. "That's why it's there."

So Toya started snacking, well downing the chips.

"Damn! You scarfin' that shit down!" Timmy exclaimed.

"Whoo hoo hoo hoo! Just look at her down those chips!" the Cosmo halves said. "I bet, that she can down somethin' else too!"

The Wanda pillow gave the stupid green assholes a evil look.

"I'm gonna get your stupid ass later!" she muttered angrily. "I'm gonna get your stupid ass later."

"Didn't you have somethin' to eat today, Toya?" Timmy asked.

"No. I was too busy." Toya said as she took a sip of soda. "You how it is, with school."

"Yeah." Timmy muttered.

"And especially, since gradulation's on the way too." Toya muttered.

"Oh. You're gradulatin' soon?" Timmy asked.

"Yep." Toya said, as she took a sip of soda. "I'm finally leavin' high school."

"You're lucky." Timmy muttered. "I have to stay in school for another six years."

Toya turns to him.

"Look on the bright side, you're gonna graduate from elementary school soon."

"Yeah." Timmy muttered. "But I'm not lookin' forward to middle school."

"Why?" Toya asked.

"You know, how it is, with middle school." Timmy started. "You know. The bullies. The extra classes. No recess & all that shit."

"Oh, don't worry about that, Timmy." Toya said, as she drunk a soda. "As long, as I'm here, lookin' after you, you'll have no worries."

"Thanks, Toya." Timmy said. "My old babysitter would never done that. Hell, she would've beat my ass & gave me her chores."

"Fuck that bitch." Toya said. "I'm here."

"Sexy & smart! Ain't she!" shouted the green pillows halves.

The Wanda pillow just frowned.

* * *

It was later, Timmy's parents came back.

"Timmy." said his mom. "We're back!"

Timmy had woke up on the couch. Both he & Toya was asleep, when Mrs. Turner did her call.

"What? You're back already?" Timmy asked sleeply.

"Yeah." Mrs. Turner started. "Dumb ass here, caused a riot at the movies."

"Hey! It's not my fault, that they kept showin' coming attractions & the sign, that told me to turn off my cell phone." Dad bitched.

Mom ignored him.

"And the ushers grabbed us & threw us out of the theater."

"Sounds like, yall had a bad evening." Toya said.

"That was just the beginning of our terrible evening." Mrs. Turner sniffed. "But I don't want to bore you with any details. So did you two have a great evening?"

"We sure did, Mrs. Turner." Toya started. "Timmy & I had lots of fun!"

"Yep, sure did mom." Timmy added.

"Glad to hear it." Mom said, as she took out a wad of $50's & $100's from her purse. "Here ya go, Toya. Here's your pay for tonight."

"Thank you, Mrs. Turner." Toya said, as she put the money in her pocket.

Then she thought of something.

"Mrs. Turner. Can I look after Timmy tomorrow, since it's Saturday?"

"Sure of course." Mrs. Turner said.

Toya grabs her bookbag & turns to Timmy.

"If it's okay with you, Timmy?"

"Yeah, it's okay with me." Timmy responded with a smile.

"Okay. It's a date." Toya said, as she turn to leave. "Bye Timmy."

"Bye Toya." Timmy called as he picked up the green & pink pillows.

"Okay, son. Time for bed." Dad said to him.

So Timmy, with his pillows, Ran upstairs to his room.

Mrs. Turner looks at Mr. Turner.

"What?" he asks.

"You know what? You suck. You suck." Timmy's mom muttered.

"Why d'you got to play a brotha like that?" Dad asked.

"Because, that's why." Mom said. "You always say stupid shit! Now just for that, you get to sleep in the doghouse tonight!"

"Doghouse?" Dad asked. "Since when, we have a doghouse?"

"Since today!" Mrs. Turner retorted rudely. "I brought it this afternoon, with _my_ money, from _my _high-paying job!"

"But I don't want to sleep in the doghouse tonight, dear." Dad said. "Dinkleberg's havin' a party & the music might keep me up."

"So, like I care!" Mom sniffed. "I don't want your retardedness to affect Timmy."

"But he's my son." Dad said.

"Oh, come off of that shit!" Mom snapped. "You're not even his real father!"

Dad gasped.

"How dare you!"

"How dare me! _HOW DARE ME_!" Mom argued. "You actually believed, that you was his father? Ha! His real father, was a police officer in Orlando. He was a real man, unlike you; who always scream like a fuckin' girl, when you take a piss!"

Dad hangs his head down in sadness.

"Now, go get your blanket & pillows and go to the doghouse!" Mom said, as she went up to their room.

* * *

Outside, Dad was trying to sleep in the doghouse, but the music coming from Dinkleberg's yard was keeping him awake.

"I can't believe, that she said, that I'm not the father!" Dad sniffed, as he rolled over onto his stomach.

Just then, Dinkleberg peaked over the fence, naked.

"Hey, Hey Turner. I see, that you're sleeping in the doghouse." he laughed. "I hope, our music from our orgy, doesn't keep you awake."

Then he goes back to his side.

Dad was fuming mad.

"Grrrr! Dinkleberg!" he growled.

Then a pair of underpants hits Dad's face. The audience laughs. The undergarments belonged to Dinkleberg.

"**DINKLEBERG!**" Dad shouted loudly.

"**SHUT UP OUT THERE, BEFORE I CUT YOUR BALLS OFF!**" Mom shouted at Dad from her window.

So with that, Dad went unhappily to sleep.

"Well, things couldn't possibly get worse." he muttered.

Then a wine bottle from Dinkleberg's party, hits him in the face. The blow knocks him unconcious.

The audience laughs.

* * *

Meanwhile, Timmy was getting ready for bed. His fairies was talking.

"Well, looks like you got yourself a date with Toya." Wanda said in a teasing voice.

"Yeah." Cosmo sniffed. "Lucky, bastard!"

Wanda slaps the shit outta him.

"Ha!Ha! That tickles!" the stupid fairy laughed, as the audience laughs at his stupidity.

"So, are you gonna kiss her?" Wanda asked, in a sly voice.

"It's not gonna be that type of date, assholes!" Timmy sniffed, as he gets into bed.

"Whatever you say, Timmy." Wanda laughed.

"Oooh! Oooh! Can I come, Timmy? Huh?" Cosmo pleaded. "Huh? Please?"

"I'll think about it." Timmy said, as he rolled his eyes. "The important thing from all this is, no more Vicky!"

"Yay! No more evil, pancaked ass bitch!" Cosmo cheered.

"And that means, no more of you, swoonin' over her breasts." Wanda cheered. "Yay!"

"Well, at least I can dream of Toya's sexy ass for now on!" Cosmo smiled. "Whee! I like big booties!"

Wanda then kicks the stupid asshole in the groin. Of course, the idiot enjoys it.

"Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!" he laughed in a higher than normal voice. "That feels good! Ha!Ha!Ha!"

"How's that for 'big booties'!" Wanda sniffed, as the audience laughs.

"You're such an asshole, Cosmo." Timmy said.

"I know." laughs Cosmo stupidly.

"Well, I'm goin' to sleep now guys." Timmy said. "Good night."

"Sweet dreams, Sport." Wanda said, in a calmer voice now.

Then she yawns.

"It's been a long day."

Cosmo poofs up next to her.

"Hey baby. Wanna go into the castle & do adult stuff?" he asks.

"You mean sex?" Wanda asks, bored already.

"Yeah. That." replied Cosmo.

"No!" Wanda sniffed loudly. "Why don't you & your hand have sex!"

"That doesn't sound too bad of an idea!" Cosmo exclaims. "Thanks Wanda!"

Wanda rolled her eyes.

"Whatever."

Then she & the moron goes into the fishbowl for the night.

* * *

Meanwhile across town. Vicky was in her bed, crying. Which was rare for her, since she always act like a bitch.

"H-How could this happen to me? How can he get them to fire me? **Why!**" she hollered.

Then she sits up and looks out of the window. The moon was out.

"Well, looks like my days, beatin' the shit outta little twerps are over." she muttered, as she took a bite from a peanut better & jelly sandwich.

She then grabs a glass of milk & drinks it.

"It's gettin' late. I better get to sleep. I have to come in for work at my old job tomorrow." she yawned.

She then goes pathetically to sleep, as the cd player that plays her favorite song, winds down.

**Author's Note:** _Well, finally this chapter's complete. Whole lot of shit happened. Timmy's parents are getting a divorce. The Dinklebergs have late night adult parties. Crocker's a racist. Wanda loves talking the game with Timmy. Vicky's fired from babysitting & haves to go back to her old job. Toya gradulating high school. Timmy's excited over his Saturday plans, & Cosmo loves losing at games. Eating poo, getting kicked in the groin & getting slapped._

_Review, if you want Poof to appear in this series or not. Or just plain review._


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